For the life of me

I just can't do it

This song

This beautiful song

I just can't seem to reach out for it 

To capture it

To keep it

To hear it echo in my heart

Breaking me

Yet soothing my brokenness 

Its so beautiful

and all too sad

The salt of my tears burns my eyes

For the life of me!

For the life of me Jesus!

As I watch the son by the bonfire

His head down

with thoughts of his father

As the beauty of this melody disappears into the cold

After the silence 

No slumber until the sunrise

Its that brown wood

Laid on the pedestal 

For the life of me!

I can't contain

These crying Screaming voices

I don't want to for the life of me!

Can I capture this moment

A moment worth remembering 

A moment I want to forget

But also wish to never forget 

Beauty and sadness surrounds, 

This, 

This dark brown wood on a pedestal 

Where they laid you and put flowers on top

For the life of me

I just wish you still had life in you

Originality

 In the midst of mindful awakening, i bumped Into a few 'I told you sos', and 'whys?'. Not quite a few, but so many I can not count.

The goal you set out for yourself, your life, your future, that's a path for YOU to take. Trust if you don't take this path, no one will cheer you on unless you get there first, Why? Because somehow people respond better to confidence and success. They respond better to positives.

When you can't reach your dream, no one will take the initiative to clear your path, only YOU.

Sometimes only your plans are what you need. Sometimes other souls come in to realign our reality to help us, but if WE are not mentally prepared for the change offered by the outside hand, it will only harm us.

I am a STRONG believer of THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS. Hence I do not respond well to pre-arrangements  of my life that i never anticipated.

SOMETIMES it's ok to say no to a job, a friendship, a relationship, a business idea, heck even a new hairdo. Why?

Because this life is yours and you have the upper hand.

My mum, over the past year had been telling me, "stop being swayed by other people's plans, you have your own life to lead".

Only now, i am seeing what she meant.

Stick to your goals.

A lot of people will alter our path trying to help, but analyse the rearrangements before absorbing  them and taking action.

Do not be afraid of being original, besides, 'if your dreams don't scare you, it means they are not big enough'. 👣 EMBRACE ORIGINALITY AND MAKE YOUR OWN REALITY 👤.

Mature cactus

 

One Sunday after receiving news of grief, within my solitude I paid much heed to the ugliness that is of this world. 

The lies, the truths, the haves and have nots, beautiful waves and also hurricanes.

Regret hurts when there is nothing you can do about it. When people die, we pray for them and learn to appreciate those that are still here, alive, the best that we can and know how.

When our hearts mature, like a cactus, we can let go of pain, and bloom and love and be happy.

#marktwain said, "there isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

I ask to learn humility and be appreciative of the good that surrounds us even within this ugliness. 

Window to the Soul

 Window to the soul

Brisking through life

Glistening in naivete

Unclothed by insecurities

Blind to beauty created

#Creationed

Window to the soul

Dimming an inner reality

Smiling through pain

Assaulted by trust

Weeping in apparent silence

#silenced

Window to the soul

You are so much more

Open and breathe possibility

Soar toward the heavens

Join the celestial bodies

#bodily

Viness on the Moon

 Viness growing on the moon

Let your roots drink this space potion

You're so far away from the earth

Floating on a heavenly body.

Viness glowing on the moon

Let your shimmering leaves be your wings

Create a balance without gravity

Budding, breathing new life.

Viness on the moon

Your voice is silent

But your thoughts reverberate into space

Echoing into the vast universe. 

Viness growing on the moon

Grow, glow, silently echo...... 

How do you Look at me

I hope that one day

I thought that one day

I used to think

I used to wish

That in her bosom I would lay

So close

Her heartbeat in rhythm with mine

Angel of mine

For you is it so

Is it so when you look at me

Did you hope that one day

Did you believe that one day

What thoughts did you have

You saw me

What wishes did you make

You spoke with me

Do you see?

Do you find solace in my bosom

Or did you find yourself spiraling down

Down through the hollowness of my heart

Did you reach the bottom

Or did it feel, endless, infinite

Infinite falling into darkness

Falling into what you had hoped

Had hoped would be solace

So Angel of mine

Tell me is it so

We forgot him

He was with us.
With one mistake,
We forgot him.

He was not himself.
He reached out,
We forgot him.

You could relate.
His life changed,
We forgot him.

After years, no confidence
Too much plight.
Exercise or none,
We forgot him.

I saw him once.
Hollow eyes with the dead on his back.
Skinny and without hope.
Remembering forgetting him.

He walked in.
His worries floating,
Desperation, weakness,
Strength, manifested.
I had forgotten him.

I saw His face and became unafraid

I have always looked at the sky and keep looking up to the sky.
I never really grasped what it is exactly that I was looking for.
Moving planets and satellites,
Hoping to recognise constellations even though I didn't know them by name,
Perhaps shooting stars to wish upon.

For years I have lost my worries in the sunsets and always carry with me beautiful sunlight after the darkness comes.
A pretty picture of a sunset, silverlined clouds, different shades imprinted on my heart.
Then one day gazing at starlight,
I felt my soul falling off the Planet.
I waited to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
As the star's seemed to be falling,
Moving until they appeared to be beneath me.
I felt a slight so soft jolt of vertigo.
Closer to the world's edge,
I saw the face of God, gazing back at me.
My whole body was filled with chills.
I trembled to see his Majesty,
Invisible, but powerful.
He was just, light.
Living light.
In that moment
Time went by, too fast,
Even too slow.
I saw my past, and,
I was surprised to realise,
In that moment,
I anticipated no future,
At all.
I thought wow.
"Here I am. Surely I am about to die. I feel nothing. Not even the cold.
I said a prayer.
Everything went silent.
And then.
I BECAME UNAFRAID.
The power of God overwhelms me.
It is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
I saw and see my life unravelling like the bud of a rose.

#Shakespeare said, "God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
It's ok to be yourself.
Its also ok to become the being that God created you to be.
It makes no sense to try and be someone else.
Seeking approval and acceptance.
When they finally say yes to you and accept you.
When they ask you, "who you are you?", be sure to be proud of whatever you have chosen to become.
I choose to be unafraid and take God's gaze as my forever, silent, but reliable Guide.

Tears from a Soulless Child

My dearly departed soul
I apologise for where you've had to go
How many times have I neglected you so
How I have let the spirits push you away
They are more powerful when they are no longer screaming at us
When they are quiet and taking over and think that we are their's
Infested not by evil but attracting evil with the mind that does not harbour life,
Fed to the lies of self convictions.
Those born of,
belonging to darkness,
Want to taste and feel the silence lurking in our mortality.
No breath, no sound.
That's what they want.

Now that you have come back to me,
I realise that my heart was dead,
I was looking for love,
But without a heartbeat,
Love left and you thirsted  for it,
All along your voice was the one I wasn't listening to when you said that I, a vessel of this earth was love,
My cheek was kissed and christened by God Himself.
He gave me life and assured me.
That I, being love, was more than worthy of it.
I am a piece of heaven, I am earth a-
I am not animalistic, I am a shining entity worthy of shining.
My dear soul, I am afraid that if I give in to the voices and you shall depart once more,
To the soil from whence I came will I go
And the breath that Our Father in heaven gave me
Will be taken a lovely way until the end of time.

I am not grim, and I am not alone because I have you still
So thank you for staying and never neglecting me when I am void of realisation in this present reality.
My dear beloved soul, it is you that i love and need to love once more.
I have no more tears now that you are here.
Soulless child you have cried too many tears.

The Original Dream

In the midst of mindful awakening, i bumped Into a few 'I told you sos', and 'whys?'. Not quite a few, but so many I can not count.

The goal you set out for yourself, your life, your future, that's a path for YOU to take. Trust if you don't take this path, no one will cheer you on unless you get there first, Why? Because somehow people respond better to confidence and success. They respond better to positives.

When you can't reach your dream, no one will take the initiative to clear your path, only YOU.
Sometimes only your plans are what you need. Sometimes other souls come in to realign our reality to help us, but if WE are not mentally prepared for the change offered by the outside hand, it will only harm us.
I am a STRONG believer of THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS. Hence I do not respond well to pre-arrangements  of my life that i never anticipated.

SOMETIMES it's ok to say no to a job, a friendship, a relationship, a business idea, heck even a new hairdo. Why?
Because this life is yours and you have the upper hand.
My mum, over the past year had been telling me, "stop being swayed by other people's plans, you have your own life to lead".
Only now, i am seeing what she meant.
Stick to your goals.

A lot of people will alter our path trying to help, but analyse the rearrangements before absorbing  them and taking action.
You do not have to be 'the yes guy', ubiquitous assimilation can be a dangerous thing!

Do not be afraid of being original, besides, 'if your dreams don't scare you, it means they are not big enough'.

👣 EMBRACE ORIGINALITY AND MAKE YOUR OWN REALITY 👤.

Starry Eyed

What colour are your eyes
Starry eyed
They are light Brown in the light
Starry in the shade
Starry eyed
I see the stars in my eyes
As they look black as night
Back into night
Starry  eyed
Back to me
Back at me
Starry eyed
There is beauty in everything
Starry eyed
Even the darkness
I'm not talking about evil
I'm talking about colour
Starry eyed
I don't speak to make you believe
Starry eyed
I speak to hope
I speak so that hopefully
You will see
Starry eyed
The beauty that I felt
Fell? No
I never fell,
I won't fall
I won't keep my mouth shut
Just so you can feel comfort
Just a little comfortable
Starry eyed
Your inconvenience
That's all you,
Do something about you
Starry eyed!
You thought I didn't hear you?
I was listening all along.
Starry  eyed
So next time
When you talk to me
And I look you in the eye
Please know my intentions
Starry  eyed
Not from my expressions
Not the crack of potential smiles
Starry  eyed
If you never look up to the heavens
You will never appreciate the stars
Starry  eyed
Let alone notice them
In my eyes
Starry eyed
I walk with the stars
Talk to me And get a piece of my heaven
Starry  eyed
My share of a not so humble pie
Starry eyed
Do you want to hear
Hear this now
Starry eyed
Orchestrating evil
Ancient beings roaming above us
Starry eyed
They hear and see you
Starry eyed
But don't be afraid
Starry eyed
Your greatness threatens them
Starry eyed
Hear this
You are greatness
Starry eyed
No one can take that from you
Starry eyed

Here I lay and see

I find myself laying down
Torn and in pieces
Breathing as though this was
My first breath
But really it feels like my last
Staring blankly into
Squares of sorrow
Despair
Anguish
Unheard laughter saying
"I tried to warn you"
The voices are quiet because
They are not real
You are real
You, yourself
I find myself falling deeply
Into my own thoughts
Falling and hearing soft tremors
Perhaps I loathe the thought of
Myself, or myself with them
And now I loathe the thought
Of myself there with them forever
Where is the purpose if
If I am not
I do not
I know that I won't
Always feel that pleasure of being
Of being
I want to be
So deeply sought after
No i am not
I am not a novice of love
I am
I want to
I want to be a need
If I am not, then
I can't be anything
Anything to you
So I walk along
Maybe a long  journey alone
Perhaps it's my own company
That I require and
And I won't feign that truth
Neither will I
Will I abhor it? No
Here I lay with
With me
With the depths of me.

I think I fell

I think I fell,
somewhere along the way, I think I fell.
I stumbled like the ligaments around my knees were wearing and tearing from walking around within this circle.

Once upon a time,
I was a girl from a far away land,
but what made my world go round, emptiness and nothingness.

Eventually the energy in my orbit was corrupted,

blameless truths, punitive.

At the end of the day, my life was mine,

now my life is still mine, to lead, and my mistakes are mine to live with.
Who are you to come and preach to me about me.

If I could love a man,

I would love him like a child loves Christmas,
Anticipate his arrival like waiting for santa,

or opening  an unexpected present,

like a long drive to the beach on a hot day,

wanting for body mind soul to be soothed by natures water,

all these married into one, disappearing into endless but beautiful space.

Love should be a season's blessing,
a season's reap,
a face Christened by the Sun,

a crop blossoming, maturing, ripening, no strife,
a heart born of beating drums, beating away into an endless life giving rhythmical tone.

If love was simple happiness would be oxygen

free for all to take in, subconsciously, consciously, or not conscious at all,
trust would knock on our doors under the mistletoe.

If I could love a man,
I would give myself to the window of heaven,
let them decide my fate to be true forever,

will you let me a gentile of love reside in your heaven?

Love came for me but fate never stayed.

So did I conceive temporary fate,

shared a kiss with the devil and sold my soul to impermanence,

to deceitfulness?
Did the angels change their minds,
or did I lose the trust that came with love?

Did my wavering faith take away what my heart wished to harness till the end of time?

Love in Its universality, the deaf can truly listen,
the blind can see why love is in its purest form, agile, unwavering.
Am i dumb for not expressing what is obvious in every minds eye.

I think I fell,

somewhere along the way, I think i fell,

I am here down on my knees, my anterior cruciate torn,

wishing to love a man,

waiting for him like Christmas and praying the angels will let me love.

LOVE

Is it not amazing? To love, to fall into a trance you wish will never end, one you will never wake up from.
Is it not amazing? To care, to do things out of a mentality from the heart.
Is it not amazing? To experience this chemical reaction which begins with a glance that lasts only a few seconds, a smile.
Is it not amazing? To experience a pain in your abdomen because of joy and excitement over a person you are not even related to, a person you may have resented or tried to resent.
Is it not bizarre? how love works? so pure and kind, and patient, how love can grow without reaching a level of contentment?

Love is beautiful, a precious gift, you don't have to seek it, it will find you and when it does carry it in your heart the same way love carries you.

YES I CAN!

I can't. Words easy to say, but very vital to our well-being.
If you say I can't, do not be surprised if you truly cannot.
Can't is a simple word but consequences follow after its utterance.
He that is the master of all that is good and pure "made" with his words, in the end, all that you see, breathe, taste, feel and hear was created.
What you say has the power of creation, why do we receive what we want eventually, surprised, well be careful what you ask for.
Say I can, and if you fail now, then maybe it wasn't your turn to succeed, but rest assured, take out the dark curtain of negativity from your equation, and put positive + positive = a silver cloud of Positive answers.
So whatever your obstacle, no matter how impossible, say, "I can, yes I can!"

Don't Want To Be Used To Be

Are Not
even though you were, you can't say you cannot be,
because you were once before.
yes the harsh realities of life are true, so much so,
they seem to haunt us.
i knew a certain type of intuition once,
i learnt a lot from her, because she was female,
came from within, very strong,
her beliefs were solid, her senses always alert,
her ears listened and her eyes saw many colors,
all so very beautiful.
but, a land she knew before bacame very sombre,
unknown to very few in this cruel present day.
yes, i am still learning from myself,
and although i was planted in a ground so fertile,
it is not, not anymore, so i absorb whatever the sky gives,
rain, sunshine, and whatever the roots can drink helps me grow.
but i fear sometimes,the rain may not come anymore.
looking back yes, but trying not to see that pain i have left behind.
Are you not?
not female, or hurting, dissappointed, and rigid?
are not, but i am, but, i believe the sky will open up again from time to time,
and that once more, intuition and i will be together again,
are not? i am, but i don't want to be.

The Viness

I am nature, and I am powerful,

Declared a small god, I am a growing goddess.
I have grown at the foot of the mountain called an Island in the Sky,

Mulanje mountain, you are my legacy, left behind by my forefathers.
I have evolved and creeped upon the precious stones of Kilimanjaro,

Glamourous, like sapphire.
I have experienced world war 2,

I have seen the struggle of many people,
I am a vine that has survived from one generation to the next.

My roots have grown deep into the earth,

I have grown through deserts,

I have grown under the River Nile.

I make my way up the Eifle tower,
I have navigated the oceans, creeped across to the americas.
I have not loathed lady liberty, but i have searchd and covered her torch.
I am a goddess, I do not search to find, I search to entertwine the world,

I have no entourage, I am the globes enamel,

travelling to horizons undiscovered,

I have blossomed and I am blossoming,

I am the viness.

Death

Who understands it.
Those who crossover to the other side and come back, have you met them in person?
Are their stories as real as the pain that you feel?
I saw you lay there, you looked like a speck,
like the littlest bird i had ever seen,
as a tear dropped from my left eye and my heart seemed to disintegrate,
i anticipated for your wings to dry out, though you were drained with the rain, cold,
i hoped you could move, to show me you'll be ok,
i thought you could fly, higher than you ever did,
considering the amount of pain you would feel and how much effort it would take,
for you and i to get connected all over again, for you to just get up,
and glance at my face,
I would sit down and wonder why our eyes don't grow,
why our noses are not located close to where our lungs are,
why there is time difference in the world, or why the weather changes or better still,
why people are of different colour???
All these things have answers, but they all seem too complicated for my understanding.
maybe if you had stayed, my life would be whole,
and not the same, but better and this mess wouldn't have existed, but,
even though time difference is amazingly weird,
i guess HIS timing for death is a time we need to let go of and accept, and,
we don't have to fear death , but it should be expected,
its unbearable sometimes, to have a thought about you, first it makes me smile,
then it makes me cry, eventually i laugh, but to remember you, it hurts and its hard,
to watch souls whither away and not to be able to obtain just that little time,
a moment to say how much i had loved you and always will,
how much i will miss you though you thought to the world, you didn't really matter,
how much i didn't want you to go, but HE said that you had to....
I jus wish i could have said goodbye, no matter how hard it could have been.
Leavin you on that spot felt weird, leaving you in the dirt did not for a second make sense to me,
you were dressed so perfectly my soul moved.
i know as i write, i go round in circles, same way my head spun around,
not believing that you had gone.
Death, its a part of us we can't get used to, you might be the past to others, but,
i would never forget your death. I miss you

Pain and Tears

I'm tired of seeing the pain,
i'm tired of feeling the pain.
If i could fix your suffering,
i wonder, who would fix mine?
If i can wipe your tears away,
who can drain away the tears i can never cry?

if we were both drowning, i would struggle,

struggle to save you first so you could save me too.

some people hold material possessions close to their hearts,

but i know those designer shoes can never save you if you were drowning.

so if i hold hope and honesty in one hand,

and you hold love and dignity in yours,

can we walk hand in hand and slowly build something together,

something no architecture can ever design.

and we can discover a path that is painless,

where the existence of tears does not involve any hurt,

but so much heart and joy.

so let us leave all this pain and these tears in a vacuum,

let us not watch ourselves become victims.