I think I fell

I think I fell,
somewhere along the way, I think I fell.
I stumbled like the ligaments around my knees were wearing and tearing from walking around within this circle.

Once upon a time,
I was a girl from a far away land,
but what made my world go round, emptiness and nothingness.

Eventually the energy in my orbit was corrupted,

blameless truths, punitive.

At the end of the day, my life was mine,

now my life is still mine, to lead, and my mistakes are mine to live with.
Who are you to come and preach to me about me.

If I could love a man,

I would love him like a child loves Christmas,
Anticipate his arrival like waiting for santa,

or opening  an unexpected present,

like a long drive to the beach on a hot day,

wanting for body mind soul to be soothed by natures water,

all these married into one, disappearing into endless but beautiful space.

Love should be a season's blessing,
a season's reap,
a face Christened by the Sun,

a crop blossoming, maturing, ripening, no strife,
a heart born of beating drums, beating away into an endless life giving rhythmical tone.

If love was simple happiness would be oxygen

free for all to take in, subconsciously, consciously, or not conscious at all,
trust would knock on our doors under the mistletoe.

If I could love a man,
I would give myself to the window of heaven,
let them decide my fate to be true forever,

will you let me a gentile of love reside in your heaven?

Love came for me but fate never stayed.

So did I conceive temporary fate,

shared a kiss with the devil and sold my soul to impermanence,

to deceitfulness?
Did the angels change their minds,
or did I lose the trust that came with love?

Did my wavering faith take away what my heart wished to harness till the end of time?

Love in Its universality, the deaf can truly listen,
the blind can see why love is in its purest form, agile, unwavering.
Am i dumb for not expressing what is obvious in every minds eye.

I think I fell,

somewhere along the way, I think i fell,

I am here down on my knees, my anterior cruciate torn,

wishing to love a man,

waiting for him like Christmas and praying the angels will let me love.