I think I fell

I think I fell,
somewhere along the way, I think I fell.
I stumbled like the ligaments around my knees were wearing and tearing from walking around within this circle.

Once upon a time,
I was a girl from a far away land,
but what made my world go round, emptiness and nothingness.

Eventually the energy in my orbit was corrupted,

blameless truths, punitive.

At the end of the day, my life was mine,

now my life is still mine, to lead, and my mistakes are mine to live with.
Who are you to come and preach to me about me.

If I could love a man,

I would love him like a child loves Christmas,
Anticipate his arrival like waiting for santa,

or opening  an unexpected present,

like a long drive to the beach on a hot day,

wanting for body mind soul to be soothed by natures water,

all these married into one, disappearing into endless but beautiful space.

Love should be a season's blessing,
a season's reap,
a face Christened by the Sun,

a crop blossoming, maturing, ripening, no strife,
a heart born of beating drums, beating away into an endless life giving rhythmical tone.

If love was simple happiness would be oxygen

free for all to take in, subconsciously, consciously, or not conscious at all,
trust would knock on our doors under the mistletoe.

If I could love a man,
I would give myself to the window of heaven,
let them decide my fate to be true forever,

will you let me a gentile of love reside in your heaven?

Love came for me but fate never stayed.

So did I conceive temporary fate,

shared a kiss with the devil and sold my soul to impermanence,

to deceitfulness?
Did the angels change their minds,
or did I lose the trust that came with love?

Did my wavering faith take away what my heart wished to harness till the end of time?

Love in Its universality, the deaf can truly listen,
the blind can see why love is in its purest form, agile, unwavering.
Am i dumb for not expressing what is obvious in every minds eye.

I think I fell,

somewhere along the way, I think i fell,

I am here down on my knees, my anterior cruciate torn,

wishing to love a man,

waiting for him like Christmas and praying the angels will let me love.

LOVE

Is it not amazing? To love, to fall into a trance you wish will never end, one you will never wake up from.
Is it not amazing? To care, to do things out of a mentality from the heart.
Is it not amazing? To experience this chemical reaction which begins with a glance that lasts only a few seconds, a smile.
Is it not amazing? To experience a pain in your abdomen because of joy and excitement over a person you are not even related to, a person you may have resented or tried to resent.
Is it not bizarre? how love works? so pure and kind, and patient, how love can grow without reaching a level of contentment?

Love is beautiful, a precious gift, you don't have to seek it, it will find you and when it does carry it in your heart the same way love carries you.

YES I CAN!

I can't. Words easy to say, but very vital to our well-being.
If you say I can't, do not be surprised if you truly cannot.
Can't is a simple word but consequences follow after its utterance.
He that is the master of all that is good and pure "made" with his words, in the end, all that you see, breathe, taste, feel and hear was created.
What you say has the power of creation, why do we receive what we want eventually, surprised, well be careful what you ask for.
Say I can, and if you fail now, then maybe it wasn't your turn to succeed, but rest assured, take out the dark curtain of negativity from your equation, and put positive + positive = a silver cloud of Positive answers.
So whatever your obstacle, no matter how impossible, say, "I can, yes I can!"

Don't Want To Be Used To Be

Are Not
even though you were, you can't say you cannot be,
because you were once before.
yes the harsh realities of life are true, so much so,
they seem to haunt us.
i knew a certain type of intuition once,
i learnt a lot from her, because she was female,
came from within, very strong,
her beliefs were solid, her senses always alert,
her ears listened and her eyes saw many colors,
all so very beautiful.
but, a land she knew before bacame very sombre,
unknown to very few in this cruel present day.
yes, i am still learning from myself,
and although i was planted in a ground so fertile,
it is not, not anymore, so i absorb whatever the sky gives,
rain, sunshine, and whatever the roots can drink helps me grow.
but i fear sometimes,the rain may not come anymore.
looking back yes, but trying not to see that pain i have left behind.
Are you not?
not female, or hurting, dissappointed, and rigid?
are not, but i am, but, i believe the sky will open up again from time to time,
and that once more, intuition and i will be together again,
are not? i am, but i don't want to be.

The Viness

I am nature, and I am powerful,

Declared a small god, I am a growing goddess.
I have grown at the foot of the mountain called an Island in the Sky,

Mulanje mountain, you are my legacy, left behind by my forefathers.
I have evolved and creeped upon the precious stones of Kilimanjaro,

Glamourous, like sapphire.
I have experienced world war 2,

I have seen the struggle of many people,
I am a vine that has survived from one generation to the next.

My roots have grown deep into the earth,

I have grown through deserts,

I have grown under the River Nile.

I make my way up the Eifle tower,
I have navigated the oceans, creeped across to the americas.
I have not loathed lady liberty, but i have searchd and covered her torch.
I am a goddess, I do not search to find, I search to entertwine the world,

I have no entourage, I am the globes enamel,

travelling to horizons undiscovered,

I have blossomed and I am blossoming,

I am the viness.

Death

Who understands it.
Those who crossover to the other side and come back, have you met them in person?
Are their stories as real as the pain that you feel?
I saw you lay there, you looked like a speck,
like the littlest bird i had ever seen,
as a tear dropped from my left eye and my heart seemed to disintegrate,
i anticipated for your wings to dry out, though you were drained with the rain, cold,
i hoped you could move, to show me you'll be ok,
i thought you could fly, higher than you ever did,
considering the amount of pain you would feel and how much effort it would take,
for you and i to get connected all over again, for you to just get up,
and glance at my face,
I would sit down and wonder why our eyes don't grow,
why our noses are not located close to where our lungs are,
why there is time difference in the world, or why the weather changes or better still,
why people are of different colour???
All these things have answers, but they all seem too complicated for my understanding.
maybe if you had stayed, my life would be whole,
and not the same, but better and this mess wouldn't have existed, but,
even though time difference is amazingly weird,
i guess HIS timing for death is a time we need to let go of and accept, and,
we don't have to fear death , but it should be expected,
its unbearable sometimes, to have a thought about you, first it makes me smile,
then it makes me cry, eventually i laugh, but to remember you, it hurts and its hard,
to watch souls whither away and not to be able to obtain just that little time,
a moment to say how much i had loved you and always will,
how much i will miss you though you thought to the world, you didn't really matter,
how much i didn't want you to go, but HE said that you had to....
I jus wish i could have said goodbye, no matter how hard it could have been.
Leavin you on that spot felt weird, leaving you in the dirt did not for a second make sense to me,
you were dressed so perfectly my soul moved.
i know as i write, i go round in circles, same way my head spun around,
not believing that you had gone.
Death, its a part of us we can't get used to, you might be the past to others, but,
i would never forget your death. I miss you

Pain and Tears

I'm tired of seeing the pain,
i'm tired of feeling the pain.
If i could fix your suffering,
i wonder, who would fix mine?
If i can wipe your tears away,
who can drain away the tears i can never cry?

if we were both drowning, i would struggle,

struggle to save you first so you could save me too.

some people hold material possessions close to their hearts,

but i know those designer shoes can never save you if you were drowning.

so if i hold hope and honesty in one hand,

and you hold love and dignity in yours,

can we walk hand in hand and slowly build something together,

something no architecture can ever design.

and we can discover a path that is painless,

where the existence of tears does not involve any hurt,

but so much heart and joy.

so let us leave all this pain and these tears in a vacuum,

let us not watch ourselves become victims.